How We Handle Disagreements as Christians
Gossip and Slander in the Church
Gossip and slander are two sins the Lord hates—and ones we can easily slip into under the cover of “prayer requests” or shared “concerns.” It’s never wrong to speak to one another, to converse, or to ask questions. Dialogue within a local church is a beautiful and wonderful thing. The Lord often uses simple conversations between saints to encourage, correct, exhort, and admonish us. Leaders are often lead into the will of the Lord by truth and grace conversation with church members. Your conversation can be the instrument the Lord uses to direct the church!
So how can we tell when we’ve crossed the line between “sharing my heart” and betraying a confidence? First, let’s define some terms:
Gossip (Gk. psithurismos) is the spreading of idle talk or rumors about others, especially involving details that are not confirmed as true. It often involves speaking behind someone’s back—even if the information is accurate—but without love or necessity.
Slander (Gk. blasphemia) is the intentional spreading of false or malicious statements about someone in order to harm their reputation. It is more aggressive than gossip and often public or accusatory.
Here is a key test you can perform: Is what I’m sharing helpful or harmful—to myself, to the one I’m speaking to, or to the one I’m speaking about? If any one of these is true, you are treading on dangerous ground. The mature believer will know when to end that conversation. Just as “loose lips sink ships,” according to WWII posters, idle lips in the church can destroy much that took many people a long time to build up.
What to Do if You Feel Someone Is Engaging in Gossip or Slander
Stop the conversation quickly. Let the person know you believe the conversation has crossed the line. Then, instruct the aggrieved party to contact the person they’re speaking about so that the issue can be properly addressed and resolved. For accountability, let the speaker know they have 24 hours to contact the person being discussed—or you will, informing them of what you know and how you came to know it. Always offer to go with them into any meeting. We are here to help one another know good and do good.
Isn’t This Heavy-Handed? “It’s Just Idle Talk!”
Gossip and slander are as serious as a heart attack. You’d take steps to protect your heart—take steps to protect your church. Here are two verses that make it abundantly clear we do not tolerate inappropriate speech at ABCModesto:
Proverbs 16:28 – “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.”
Titus 3:10 – “As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him…”
Pay close attention to Titus. The response to divisive gossipers and slanderers is quicker and more pointed than even Matthew 18, two step and then dismissal from the church. That’s how seriously the Apostles and early church took divisive speech.
A Positive Vision of Constructive Communication
I want to pastor a conversant church—a church that hears, responds, converses, questions, even argues, and benevolently disagrees at times. Because we are called to show long-suffering, patience, tolerance, gentleness, and self-control—and because love hopes all things—gossip and slander are never necessary or appropriate. In short, we are better people than to sink that low. We are children of God, brothers and sisters, fellow heirs of salvation, bought with a price, bearing the image of God. These identities call for the best traits we now possess in Christ.
Disagreements in a church are often just preferences parading as platforms for grace and love to prevail in community. Our leaders repeatedly invite feedback. Personal phone numbers for our pastor and elders are available so you can text. Email addresses are simple: [name of elder]@anchoredchurch.org. Our church phone accepts voicemails, and appointments for conversations can be scheduled. Family Chats are regularly held to inform the church and engage in Q&A. In short, there is no shortage of opportunities, tools, or resources available to help you do the right thing.
